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Today

I wrote this post one year ago today. I didn't expect it to hurt this bad still. I've done well most of the day but I lost it this evening. It's such a deep ache....The last couple of months have been made easier by the hope brought through our adoption...but just like the Bible story, I miss the lost lambs..... one can't replace another, every little lamb is special. I will leave the giveaway open until tomorrow, I need some rest tonight. Thanks for "listening" friends... xoxox, Sam
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Comments

Crys said…
I love you Sam... :)
September 6, 2009 at 9:01 PM
Jody said…
I've never known what a heartache losing a wee little one in the womb could cause because it seems as though a lot of moms don't talk about the babies they lost. I miscarried earlier this year and am still often overwhelmed with the grief of losing my babies. I appreciate you being open about the pain that it causes. Children are so precious and I think by not showing our grief to others we make it seem as though we are not acknowledging that they are special and made in God's image just like the babies who are born full term. I am crying with you today.
September 6, 2009 at 9:08 PM
Martha said…
HUGS, anniversaries can be tough.
September 6, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Jean said…
Hugs here too. It can take a long time, this year was the first time that I could function pretty well and didn't have a really hard time right around that day, and it's been 10 years.
September 6, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Rose and Ivy said…
Samantha, I'm thinking about you today-- I am so sorry.

Marlya xx
September 6, 2009 at 10:35 PM
Goosegirl said…
Dear Sam, I am so sorry. I do know how it feels and sometimes the pain is so very bad. I know you have heard it all before so I won't say much more. But it hurts and I am sorry you are hurting. I know you want to hold those babies again.

I just received the new Selah cd in the mail on Friday and there is a song called "I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)" that spoke to my heart so much. If you get a chance, listen to it. It is beautiful and so perfectly describes how this feels.
I pray the Lord comforts you and heals your heart my friend.

( I just realized that I posted this in the wrong place, so I reposted it here.)
Sivje
September 6, 2009 at 10:43 PM
Kathya said…
My prayers to you!
*hugs*(lots of them)
September 6, 2009 at 11:37 PM
Lucy said…
I can't imagine - but I am sure that your pain is because of your tender and loving motherly heart. And that heart will be such a comfort to the little once-lost lambs that Jesus brings to your home. I think your awareness of your own loss will be a help to you as you acknowledge and soothe their different losses. May God bless you deeply.
September 7, 2009 at 4:48 AM
jen said…
There really aren't any words to take away your pain, just know that you are being thought of..
September 7, 2009 at 7:25 AM
Pomona said…
I agree with Jean - like you I found the anniversaries particularly difficult, but after 10 years it became easier. Now it is 12 years on, and I still weep on occasion, but honestly it is much easier to bear. Time eventually dulls the pain a little - it becomes less acute, and less difficult to deal with. But I am sure that it is better not to bottle it up, but acknowledge and share the pain. I suppose in the end we are the sum of our griefs and joys, and we laugh and cry together in turn.

Pomona x
September 7, 2009 at 8:34 AM
Unknown said…
As someone who has lost a child (not a miscarriage, but lost at 7 weeks old), I know that kind of pain. :( It's absolutely okay, and NORMAL, to "lose it". Good thoughts and prayers headed your way...
September 7, 2009 at 11:32 AM
Lisa said…
My prayers are with you. It's been 7 years since I lost my baby at 20 weeks and it is very difficult. We've never been able to concieve a child since but have been blessed with two children through adoption. The whole process has been life altering for us. We miss our child very much and wish we would have had time with him but find peace in knowing that the kids we have would have been ours no matter how they arrived. Please know your in my prayers.
September 7, 2009 at 9:29 PM
April said…
Wow - I had no idea my comment on the give-away post was so close to the anniversary date of your loss. I'm so very, very sorry, Samantha. Praying for you.
September 8, 2009 at 1:12 AM
Debbie said…
Sam,
I've only spoken with a time or two, but am really enjoying your blog. Being an adoptive mom, I can't say I understand misscarriage. As far as I know, I've never been pregnant. But, even in adoption, I've experienced loss. Several children have been "expected" and not come home. Two were in our arms only to go elsewhere.
I know how it feels to have little lambs missing and wondering everyday, where they are and who they are.
My heart says strongly there are two (at least) missing. Oddly enough my dd says that our family will have 4 children in it. We have 2 now. She doesn't know my heart or my longing.
Bless you in your journey.
Feel free to call anytime. I'm the Ohio Debbie....
September 8, 2009 at 7:14 AM
Myra said…
Read this a few days late, but I totally understand after having 4 miscarriages, the longest one's anniversary is Sept 16, 7 years ago, misc at 18 weeks. It gets better every year, but there is still a hole there, a question of what would he have been like, looked like, etc. The others were lost earlier in pregnancies, so I am still haunted by them, but not to the same degree. With our oldest adopted and the other 3 surviving biological, just think we would have had 8, so there are 4 here and 4 in heaven. I guess Mike and I will know them later.
September 12, 2009 at 9:15 AM
needlekrafter said…
Sam,

I'm thinking of, and praying for you- for the Lord's peace in the midst of your heartache.

xoxoxo
September 15, 2009 at 2:42 PM
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