Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I'm OK

I miscarried my fourth child one year ago today. I try to keep my blog a happy place, so I want you all to know that I am happy. I just felt too guilty about letting the day pass with no mention of that precious gift. I miss my baby deeply. I've had a very emotional year but I feel stronger. I thank God for bringing TWO precious little nieces into my life, Lily and Iris. They have such a special place in my heart. The moment I found out my baby sister was having twins my heart just exploded! My first words were, "your going to need me!", and she did. God never closes a door without opening a window. I have learned so many things in the last year and the thing that stands out the most was this, God opens and closes the womb, he knows just what I need, just when I need it.
I have never mentioned this baby on my blog before, but I want you all to know that you have helped me heal. All your sweet comments about my children and family are always so encouraging. There were days your little notes and comments lifted my spirits and helped me get through the day, sometimes I have read them over and over. Starting this blog has been a way of remembering and savouring the sweet little moments I have with my other three children. I have appreciated them so much more in this last year. Thank you all so much for your sweet words, just know that God sent you right when I needed you the most.
Edited to add: On this day I was having such a hard time, I cried writing the post; but I also remember the comments every time I checked my mail, they made my day. Thanks.


est said...

i should have say a million thanks to you back sam, for doing this blog and for sharing bits of your life and family that are so 'warming' :)

Team Manager said...

Thanks for sharing about your sweet baby. Your open heart is so endearing and real. I really do appreciate you and your willingness to share. Only God knows why these things happen how they do, right?

Prayers and blessings to you!

Molly said...

Thanks for opening up your heart today. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm praying for you.

I LOVED your last posts about your road trip! You crack me up, girl...especially the junk food and the comments about the kids' clothes! Tell Tim I am e-mailing him a picture of our car! There are rednecks south of the equator, too! :) Have a good day!

Jessica said...

That must have been a difficult post to write. I have no words, I just wanted to acknowledge your loss. Saying a quick prayer for you and your family right now!

Mary said...

Big hugs to you.

Coralee G said...

Oh I am so sorry. This breaks the heart just to read. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. We've been trying since last April and the tears come every month when I'm not pregnant, but I would take many, many....infinite more months of not being pregnant to losing my precious babe! Thanks for sharing today from your heart and being vulnerable. That is a gift for the rest of us.

Tiff said...

I just found your blog today and after reading this post I wanted to send you a hug and say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage on Nov. 9th of this past year, would have been our 7th child(and always will be in my heart).

I saw your post about the tree skirt you made and I can tell you where you got that quilt from, walmart and it Was cheap because I had bought the same one. Mine got cut up too and turned into chair pad covers(you can see them somewhere on my blog). I just thought it was funny how we both reinvented the same quilt.

Take care,

jjnhood07 said...

I too just found your blog. I have only read this post and just had to comment. I also lost a baby this year. It would have been my second child. I have been doing fine until now. My little sister is about to have her first child and she's going to be a single mom. She will need her family to help her. I wanted to thank you for your post. I know it wasn't easy to open up like that, but you blessed me by doing so! You showed me that I have been walking around with the wrong attitude. I need to look at the blessing that my sister is having and focus on helping her. Instead, lately, it has just brought up hurt knowing that she is having what I wanted. Thank you for sharing and blessing me today. In turn you have blessed my whole family.

Sheila said...

You are such an amazing woman. God does do everything for a reason, and in times of such pain its often hard to remember that,but you did. I feel so lucky to be able to share bits of your life through your blog, which has often helped to cheer ME up. I love your humor(especially when you talk like your kids), and think of how blessed they are to have such a wonderful mommy! Keep sharing, as "it's a good thing" all around.
God Bless You and Your Lovely Family

DeAnna said...

(Just came across your blog from another "crafty" type blog.) I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how difficult that must be. I've never experienced that, but I do know about God's will being greater than ours even if we don't understand and He has a reason for everything. Both of our girls are adopted so I do know the pain of wanting children and I like what you said "God opens and closes the womb" -- for me He knew what I needed and sent me my two precious girls and made me realize just how perfect His will is! Thanks for sharing your heart and this reminder!!

Mom2fur said...

Samantha, I remember the feeling. I lost a baby early on in pregnancy about 18 years ago. I have no idea if it really was a girl, but I've always kind of 'felt' it was, and named her Julianna Grace. Thanks for reminding me today to say 'hi' to my little girl in heaven. (Hi, Julianna!) I used to think of her all the time. Two months later I became pregnant with my fourth, a son, who is now 17. To me, she is a very real 'person,' as I'm sure your baby is to you!

Kylie said...

Thankyou for sharing your thoughs and your feelings with us in such an open way... I am glad that your blog helps - I know that mine helps in so many ways that I never though possible.

Prayers and thoughts for you and your family.


Bubbachic said...

you are completely right to want to mark the day for your are in my thoughts and my prayers hunny


Anonymous said...

Samantha, I check in once in a while to your blog and just saw your post about your miscarriage. I am so sorry. Miscarriages are so very hard, and we miss the little lives that are lost. I had my first miscarriage 18 years ago before I had my daughter who is now 16. I do not know if my first child was a boy or girl, but I still miss that child. I had 5 more miscarriages between my daughter, and our adoption of our little one from China. Each loss was so hard. I don't think about them every day anymore, but anniversaries of certain days are still hard. I do know that God has His hand on my family, and that His plans for my children are amazing. Somehow He works out His will, even when we are hurt and grieving. I am so glad you were blessed with the twins to love on!What sweet little nieces!

Anyway, I sew for both of my precious girls. I am terrified to try crochet, but would love to try once I get up the nerve. I love your blog!

In His Grace,
Sivje Parish

Wendymc said...

Hey Sweetie,
Just wanted to say I love you and miss you and the kids. I wish I didn't work all the time so we could spend more time together and do lunch like we did before. I really enjoyed that so much.

You know I love you Sam, call me soon and we'll let Nanny keep the babies and go to your favorite place for lunch.

I love you Sweetie,
Aunt Wendy