The Handmade Dress

Do your children cry when they can't watch their favorite movie because of irritating scratches? Are you sick of paying good money for movies that are scratched minutes after you take them from the case? Do you often wish that we could just go back to VHS because you could leave them out in the rain, bring them in and use them for a coaster, and then let the baby throw it for fun and it would STILL WORK!? ME TOO ! . We have struggled for years with scratched movies that were no longer watchable, but not anymore! We have finally found the secret formula to rid you of this nasty little problem forever! . Crest Kids Toothpaste! YES, that's what I said! Kids toothpaste! . A few months back I heard some place that toothpaste would take of scratches and I tried it and it didn't work, then the other day out of pure desperation I tried it my way. IT WORKED! So I decided this kind of news could not be kept secret, I have to tell the world! So I ...

Here is her story (I know she's a girl, I can just feel it): While thrifting one day at the worst thrift store in town I found her, she was smelly unappreciated and maybe even a little dirty but she was oh so soft and well made. I think it was love at first sight. Can that happen with a quilt you ask? Yeah it can! And it did. I took her home and washed her....she was beautiful and soft and fluffy. I promised to take care of her always, to love her, and use her everyday. She was with me through my first pregnancy, she was there with me at 3 am while I was nursing newborns -I told you she was a girl, a boy would have split by now! LOL! -bless her heart she has been puked on, pooped on, peed on and my sweet old girl has just kept on giving. Well, the last time I washed her she started falling apart. I was so upset I had let it go this far! I made her a promise, so I decided to give her a little make-over when we got home from the beach. Yes, she even went to the beach with me loo...

For eight years I have been learning to be the help meet to an amazing man. Monday was our anniversary and we left the kids with the fam at the beach house and went off for the day, it was wonderful! We had so much fun! We had lunch, went fabric shopping, had dessert at Starbucks (where we fed little birds part of our blueberry scone), went shoe shopping, and then had dinner at a really good seafood restaurant....it was lovely. I wanted to say something really pretty and profound about our life together but I just couldn't find those kinds of words. We still have so much fun together, I still get giddy when he calls and says he's on his way home, he still kisses me for no reason at all, I love the way he smells when he's been working hard all day, it's not fancy......but it's all I've ever wanted, and it's exactly what makes me happy. It took me a couple of years in the beginning to learn how to be his wife, but even that was fun! I love being his help...

We are having a wonderful time even though I was up until 5 am having a good cry (Ben said it was my pressure valve). I feel much better and now I'm going to get a nap. Beach volley ball is awesome and I am #1 at trash talk -not trash as in ugly words, trash talk as in "Come on let's see if you can make it over the net this time princess!" that kind. The kids are having the time of their life! I went to the doctor Wednesday before we left and I didn't really get any good news, all of my "options" are pretty much scary. I had a few tests done that I will know about on Monday and I'm too scared to call! Mary has a really good post on her blog today (about choosing fabrics!) and everyone needs to see it!

Hey friends, it turnes out we do have Internet here! I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning before we left so we got a late start, getting on the road around lunch, ugh. We arrived at the house around 5 or 6 pm so I didn't really take and pictures

...and responsible for the death of about a million bugs whos little corpses are still on the front of our car and windshield. It's nice to be here...... ....and this makes it even better.... coffee, hazelnut creamer, sugar, and heavy whipping cream....ahhhh. Have a good Thursday friends!

This is the other project that I started last weekend - well really the two other projects, I made two of the same bag. They were some other baby gifts that I have been needing to finish for a couple of months now. Don't ya hate when you get behind on sewing like that?! It makes me twitch. I was so happy to have these finished that I sent them off before I could get good pictures of them. These pictures were taken at about 10:00 at night so they are not that great. We do what we can, right! The fabric is from Hobby Lobby, I could not resist the sweet little cowboys! They are so cute! The bags have two huge pockets on one side (one for diapers one for wipes), one bigger pocket on the other side with a snap at the top, and a little cell phone pocket on top of that one for mama. I hope the mamas like the bags! I just have to share this conversation from two nights ago, it involved me, Molly, and Tim. Molly: Mom, watcha cookin? Me: Chicken Pot Pie... Molly walks around the corner...

My emotions are so fragile right now. Yesterday was so hard because Ben was at work (24 hr shift). By the end of the day I'm worn out emotionally and I start to feel so overwhelmed. It is so crazy how it changes throughout the day, it comes in waves. I start out so happy and thankful for my sweet family; then one person says "how ya doin?' and I'm a basket case, completely broken. I'm praising God one minute for the chance to carry my sweetie for those eleven weeks, and the next minute I'm wondering if there is something really wrong with me that I can no longer carry a baby. I wonder if I will have any more babies or if I will have to wait another year and a half to conceive just to go through this again. I have even struggled with horrible, almost morbid thoughts. The good news is, through all the waves of emotion, deep down I feel like God is doing something in my heart and in my family. . I found this song by Casting Crowns called "I Will Praise ...

It's almost 5am and I can't sleep.....because all I can think about is those tiny little arms and legs. God is so amazing, look what he created. I would rather have gone through all this than to have never known this little one at all. This sweet baby brought so much love and joy. Life is so amazing! My sweet children are the reason I'm here and the inspiration for everything Ben and I do, even the ones we never held. I was put on this earth to be Ben's help meet and the mother of these five children. They are all blessings from God! I'm making a conscious effort to praise God for all the little blessings around me. We have so many reasons to praise him! I want to trade my sorrows for the joy of the Lord. I know that sorrows will come, but I want to train my heart to praise even in times of great sorrow. Thank you God for this precious life!

Yesterday was just a fog, I was still so groggy from all of the medicines they gave me Monday that I couldn't write at all. My sister and my good friend came and cleaned up my house and brought me food. I was so glad to see people from the outside world. Today I woke with a strong desire to be normal again. Ben is back at work and I feel well enough to be up and keeping the kids by myself again. We got up and decided on chocolate chip pancakes. Brother (that's what we call Tim at home) washed the dishes as I messed them up, Sister (That's Maddie's name) ate more chocolate chips than she handed to me for the pancakes, and Sis (Molly) supervised. It's nice to be Mama again. My kids have had a really rough week and I really just want them to have a normal day. Now they are playing outside catching bugs. I've not really been normal for a while now. I was so sick for the last couple of months that I just skimmed over everything. I'm looking forward to cleaning...

I went to the hospital Monday morning prepared for anything, but my heart was strong and ready to tell them our decision. They took me back for the ultrasound and I had no idea what we would find. Would there be that little flicker of a heartbeat....or would it be as before? As soon as I saw that perfect little angel on the screen I knew he/she was gone, there was no more questions in my mind. I didn't cry.... it felt very peaceful. I just lay there and enjoyed seeing my baby one last time. I was amazed by the tiny little arms and legs. She said "It's a perfect little baby, I can see nothing wrong outwardly, but it's little heart must have just quit beating. It could have been that the implantation was not right." It felt so good to hear that,"perfect little baby". I asked for a picture and she gave me one just before I left. . We had 3o minutes before I had to sign in for surgery or tell them that I had backed out. Ben and I talked and cried but Go...

Today I feel stronger. I miss everyday life, normal routines, healthy babies, normal food. I made a big decision when I woke this morning after only four hours sleep. Ben and I have talked it over and it's final. I can't go through with the D&C. I can't. I'm still sick, my chest is still sore, there has been no bleeding, and even though I feel like it's over.....there is still that chance. I will never forgive myself if I let them take this baby without outward signs of a problem. Ultrasounds are so inaccurate at this stage and that is all I have to go on. I'm going back to the doctors office tomorrow, having a blood test and an ultrasound and I'm coming home with my baby until he/she is ready to go. I will have a D&C when the time is right, but deep down in my soul I can't feel right about it with the way things are now. I know I will be dragging things out and making it harder in ways, but it's what I have to do. . I can feel God again....

I have always told the truth here, I'm not going to start sugar coating things now. What I have to say is not pretty, it doesn't sit well, and you know I have never been one to use fancy words; but if there is any small chance that it would help another hurting mama I'm willing to write it all down just how it happened, no frills. . For the last two days I have been in shock, mad, confused, MAD AT GOD, felt guilty and I've not really even cried much. I have even thought about being an atheist, but I couldn't make myself believe it. I'm hurting and I feel numb at the same time. How could this happen? . I lost a baby almost two years ago at 11 weeks, I hurt for so long. We tried to conceive again but nothing. Just when I had given up all hope of ever having another precious child and had become content with my three beautiful children that are here, it happened.... a year and a half later I was expecting again. . The deal was sweetened the next day when my s...

I went to the doctor yesterday for a kidney infection. They decided that while I was there they would check for a heartbeat since I'm 11 weeks. No heartbeat. They tried a sonogram, "no cardiac activity" They called in a specialist who looked and told me that the baby was dead. They said the baby died about a week ago. I go in for surgery Monday (D&C). I'm not bleeding, I'm still sick, on the screen was a perfect baby with arms and legs, but no heartbeat... I requested another sonogram before the surgery just to be sure and they said that would be fine, but they were sure there was no hope. No hope...

Molly fixed the baby pictures for us to all enjoy and hung them on the fridge. I love it. Baby was 7 weeks in these little pictures, I think we are close to 11 now. I always call these the peanut pictures. LOL! Can you see that little peanut?

Hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday! I'm headed to mama's house for some BBQ. The kids are working on a video for you, it has to be "perfect" so I don't know when it will be ready. What do these pictures have to do with anything? Well it's a new applique that will be ready soon for free download in the shop. Like it? I designed it for a sweet girl this Summer (it so fits her personality) and when I came across the pictures today I decided to offer it as a freebie. I think we will call it the Gracie Purse Applique. I will let you know when it's ready.