I'm just trying to be normal.

Yesterday was just a fog, I was still so groggy from all of the medicines they gave me Monday that I couldn't write at all. My sister and my good friend came and cleaned up my house and brought me food. I was so glad to see people from the outside world.

Today I woke with a strong desire to be normal again. Ben is back at work and I feel well enough to be up and keeping the kids by myself again. We got up and decided on chocolate chip pancakes. Brother (that's what we call Tim at home) washed the dishes as I messed them up, Sister (That's Maddie's name) ate more chocolate chips than she handed to me for the pancakes, and Sis (Molly) supervised. It's nice to be Mama again. My kids have had a really rough week and I really just want them to have a normal day. Now they are playing outside catching bugs. I've not really been normal for a while now. I was so sick for the last couple of months that I just skimmed over everything. I'm looking forward to cleaning the bathrooms good and keeping the laundry caught up - My Mom and my friends got me all caught up so all I have to do is keep it that way. So, the dress. It's a baby gift that I started on Saturday morning just as the news was starting to sink in. I desperately needed something to keep my hands busy and this is a project that I've been needing to get done for a while now. It's hard to explain but it was so comforting to be working on a dress for a new healthy baby while I was dealing with the loss of my own. Many of the stitches were made through tear filled eyes but the quiet rhythm was just what I needed. I finished up the last bit of the hand sewing on the inside just before they started my IV on Monday. The dress is made of imported dotted Swiss batiste, I free handed the initial, and on each side is two rows of light blue feather stitching. I love using unexpected colors for tiny pieces of embroidery, the bright vibrant colors against the pale pink fabric are so pretty to me. I started two other baby gifts on Saturday too but I will share them when I'm done. It's crazy how these little ordinary tasks can get you through such tough times. My heart hurts today but I don't want to think about it. I just want to do things that I haven't done for a while and forget about the pain....just for now.

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PS. I had some really dumb comments on my blog last week (before my baby troubles) - someone was playing a "joke" I guess - so I had to add comment moderation to my blog. I hate having to do this but it was my only choice. To get to the point I'm new at this comment moderation thing and I have accidentally rejected three of your very sweet comments, I am so very sorry. I don't know if you get an email saying your comment was rejected or not, but if you did it was not intentional at all! I am so so sorry, please forgive me!