Today I feel stronger. I miss everyday life, normal routines, healthy babies, normal food. I made a big decision when I woke this morning after only four hours sleep. Ben and I have talked it over and it's final. I can't go through with the D&C. I can't. I'm still sick, my chest is still sore, there has been no bleeding, and even though I feel like it's over.....there is still that chance. I will never forgive myself if I let them take this baby without outward signs of a problem. Ultrasounds are so inaccurate at this stage and that is all I have to go on. I'm going back to the doctors office tomorrow, having a blood test and an ultrasound and I'm coming home with my baby until he/she is ready to go. I will have a D&C when the time is right, but deep down in my soul I can't feel right about it with the way things are now. I know I will be dragging things out and making it harder in ways, but it's what I have to do.
.
I can feel God again....and even though I feel like he is standing just outside the door....it's nice to have him here.
.
Each and every kind word has been cherished. I never imagined what comfort could come from this little corner of my life, your stories, your encouraging words..... Thank you, I love you all.
Comments
~Rebecka
Another thing that was helpful is that I got the smallest baby ring made, and they aren't terribly expensive, but I wear it on a chain around my neck everyday. That may sound cheesy but it's this mama's way of remembering and honoring the child who was an Imagebearer.
I'm sure you have made the best decision for your family.
God bless you. I'm praying for your family.
I know I was told my 2nd's sac was irregular, iffy, etc, etc.. I was on edge forever.. sure of the impending loss... She is 5 and we are blessed. I am praying for a miracle for you.
jenn
And you know I have to say this because of what just happened to me- if you have horrible abdominal pain (like labor) and you start to bleed heavily, start running a high fever, get to the ER immediately, okay?
Wrapping my arms around your whole family tonight in a prayerful hug. And praying that your kidneys heal and you start to feel better.
Dee
xxx
Hugs.
Nicki
Nicki
I just read your weekend entries and I am so sorry that you and your sister are going through so much.Our prayers and thoughts are with you. You are making the right decision, a Mother knows. Carol
I am so glad you are going to way- it may not change anything but I don't think you will ever regret it.
Just know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
Sarah
If it comes to it, FWIW, I chose to miscarry at home (at 12 weeks along) and I am so happy I did/was able to. It was very emotional, but to be able to hold the tiny baby (it looked perfect!) was very therapeutic. My husband and I were able to talk to it, look at it's tiny hands...bury it later under a tree in the yard.
I also found a ring that symbolizes this lost baby...and I still wear it everyday.
I've since had another child. And I realize I wouldn't have her if I hadn't lost the previous baby. It's hard to wrap your head around.
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Renee
P.s I have been praying that God will give you some comfort.
Tessy