Friday, September 14, 2012

To be honest...

I know it has been a week since I posted, but I just haven't had much to write about. We did have market last weekend, but I didn't do anything to get ready for it. Ben took my big green cushy chair, I came late, left early, and just sat the whole time. It was fun, but it wasn't the same, I didn't even get to decorate my booth. :( Ben did a great job of getting it all done by himself, and I was really proud of him, but it bummed me out a little to not get to do it. To be honest I've pretty much been bummed out the whole stinkin' week. They had to change my medicine again because the procardia just wasn't working at night. AT ALL. The new medicine is something that I have never tried before, and it's making me sooooooo sleepy all day long. I don't feel like doing anything crafty because I'm so foggy, and I think that is one thing bugging me, not being productive. Another major thing is not being able to take care of my family like I'm used to doing. It totally bums me out to not be able to DO. I realize that it's good to learn these things about myself, and it's very sweet to see my family taking over and getting the job done so well (they have been AMAZING!), but I feel so not needed! I hate that. I love to feel needed. All week I've been in denial, just pretending that I was feeling just fine, but here is the truth. Just when I think I have this high risk pregnancy stuff all figured out, and I know just how to make it through without any more hiccups than is expected, I go and have a week like this. So yeah, I'm bummed out, I miss my friends, I miss being able to be outside, I miss seeing my family that I'm used to seeing three times a week, and most of all I miss being mama and being needed. There I said it. It's out and I feel a little better having said it, but I'm not going to camp out here. Nope. I'm here at the end of this battle and it's time to put on my big girl britches and finish this thing. It's time to man-up!

My plan of action is as follows:

:: Focus on the little kicks and bumps that mean that this little one is doing just fine even though mama isn't. Preterm labor, you stink!

:: Start knitting, even though I don't really feel like it, I know that I just need a little jump start to get me inspired again. Knitting will make me feel productive and I need that right now.

:: Find a good soaker knitting pattern and order the yarn that will work best for newborn cloth diapering. YAY! Tiny cloth diapers! Any suggestions friends?

:: Blog more. I really do feel better when I write on a regular basis. I can write things that my introverted personality could never say, and I feel good about having all of this real life documented, even if it isn't always rainbows and kittens. :)

:: Be grateful, oh so grateful, for another chance to be a mama to a baby. It has never been easy, but that's how I know that each one is such a HUGE blessing! Even when I'm bummed it's easy to see that. God is so good!

:: Invite friends over, even if I will be a terrible hostess, they probably won't care and the kids will love it too.

:: Get Ben to stock up on citronella candles so that I can be on the front porch more, fall is in the air and I don't want to miss this just because of bugs! I'm an outside kinda girl, it has always made me feel better to be outside, even when I was little.

:: And know that "1For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 2A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. 4A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 6A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 8A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3

Thanks for listening friends! I'm sure with this plan of action, some prayers, and just knowing that we are almost there, I'll be feeling better in no time. xo, Sam
 

11 comments:

Enchanted Moments said...

Sweet girl, you grow that baby and make it safe , ready to come out and be a part of your beautiful family....you have been given a blessing inside your tummy, so feel crappy for a bit and then get back to feeling good about what you are doing...life will be amazing once again after you have got through all this...x

Mari said...


times and seasons, Sam.... times and seasons.
This season for you is to grow your baby safely (and maybe have time for reflection too?). And it seems to me that you are definitely needed still! You have done a good job with your children since they are able to take over and help in the household when required, and the feeling of accomplishment and love they must feel from doing this for you is wonderful. Maybe they need this? Who knows....
Wishing you well for the remainder of your pregnancy.

blmcd said...

Oh Sam, I think you're fab! Thank you for being so honest :)
And "not needed"?? Are you kidding? What is inside you at the minute? You are ALL that little one needs at the moment, not to mention that mummies are a family's heartbeat. Their rock. Whether you're bouncing high or curled up and fast asleep, you're emotionally holding the whole thing together:)
Love and prayers from a new reader and friend x

auntie said...

Sam, keep your chin up. I've been where you are and it is no walk in the dark. Your family does need you! They need you to cook this baby gently and completely. They need you to be there to give them a reason to serve and to learn service at the knee of their lovely mother, literally. Have peace in your confinement since that is a good word for it and remember that there are people out there praying you to the end of this pregnancy, successfully.

Kristy said...

Mommies are always needed! It's great your family is helping out so that you can rest. And while you're left feeling needed, there's a tiny little one inside that needs you the most right now. You're the *ONLY* one he/she needs until birth. Hang in there, it will be such a short memory once you meet that little babe.

Debbie said...

I know how you feel. Lyme disease makes me feel that way a lot. But, we are needed. Just because they can do, doesn't mean they don't really wish we were do..ing. Also, you are needed and being productive right this very minute and every minute. You're going a baby and as long as you do what you're to do, you're doing all you can to grow that healthy little one in there. Of all the doing being done, you've got the most important job. And, you're doing it amazingly well.
Love you!

Sew Pretty Dresses said...

Oh bless you girl! Hang in there! How hard it must be to be so tied to bedrest. Yes if you can get those candles going on the porch, it will help to be outside. Your knitting and blogging plan sound good too. Saying a prayer for you!

daydream in colour said...

I always feel better once I've made a list, it helps me feel like I'm actually DOING something. You're family are so wonderful helping out and I'm sure they are LOVING their special moment of being needed but I'm sure they're waiting their chance to be needed by mum again. We always need our Mum's.

xx Susan

Goosegirl said...

Hugs and prayers Sam. I had preterm labor when I was carrying India, who will be 21 in a week! I could hardly wait for her to be born because bedrest was so hard. And then a miracle happened, and i carried her full term, to her very due date! Little did I know at the time that she would be the only baby I got to carry to birth. Now I look back on those days and wish I had the chance to live them again.

Very very soon your wonderful new bundle of love will be in your arms, being kissed and snuggled by your sweet kiddos. Enjoy your time of rest. I know you want to care for your family. But my staying put, YOU ARE! You are doing the best thing for this little miracle. I hope you get to go outside without being nibbled by bugs.

MrsDG@TalesFromHomemadeHouse said...

Sending so many good thoughts and vibes your way, you're being very brave...I may well have been committed to a white padded room about now...definitely concentrate on those kicks and wriggles and definitely get outside...fresh air cures almost everything! :)

Kari @ The Purple Quiltapotamus said...

Oh my goodness reading your post put me back to last April when I was put on bedrest with my third pregnancy. I had a partial abruption and was not allowed to do anything (including care for my 1.5 and 3.5 year old kids) for four months before he was born. My wonderful family stepped up like yours but it was so hard to sit back and not be able to interact with the kids or do anything. That being said - try to enjoy yourself! Take time to read a book or just enjoy being quiet because once that beautiful baby comes there will be little rest for Mama!