Today I feel stronger. I miss everyday life, normal routines, healthy babies, normal food. I made a big decision when I woke this morning after only four hours sleep. Ben and I have talked it over and it's final. I can't go through with the D&C. I can't. I'm still sick, my chest is still sore, there has been no bleeding, and even though I feel like it's over.....there is still that chance. I will never forgive myself if I let them take this baby without outward signs of a problem. Ultrasounds are so inaccurate at this stage and that is all I have to go on. I'm going back to the doctors office tomorrow, having a blood test and an ultrasound and I'm coming home with my baby until he/she is ready to go. I will have a D&C when the time is right, but deep down in my soul I can't feel right about it with the way things are now. I know I will be dragging things out and making it harder in ways, but it's what I have to do.
I can feel God again....and even though I feel like he is standing just outside the door....it's nice to have him here.
Each and every kind word has been cherished. I never imagined what comfort could come from this little corner of my life, your stories, your encouraging words..... Thank you, I love you all.