The stress about Maddie is pretty near my breaking point now. I haven't been able to write much lately because no matter how hard I try to be fun and upbeat my deepest feelings seep out when I write, good or bad. Sometimes the words even surprise me there on the screen. Somehow I can write out thoughts and feelings that I haven't even told myself yet. I'm an ignorer of feelings, a darn good one, but my writing betrays me.
We just spent another day at a doctors office running tests, and telling the whole story again from the beginning on January 16th. For the last two days she has went from a chronic low grade fever to a high fever. Today I almost broke at the office, my eyes were filling up when I looked down at Maddie's sick little face and I decided that if she saw her mama cry it may make her feel worse. My kids don't see mama cry very often, and it hurts them. Besides she has already seen me cry once this week when we got the news that our sweet Granny Dear had passed away (this is my Granny's mama). So I quick batted the tears away and called Ben. He came straight to us and that got me through the rest of the day. I hate this.
It has been a long, hard, emotional week already and I'm praying that it gets better. They asked Molly to sing and play at the funeral, which makes me so happy and sad all at the same time. Granny Dear was ready to go home and so she is happy, but my heart aches for my sweet Granny. Granny is so proud that Molly will be singing and playing at the funeral. It helps my sore heart to see my children be able to minister to hurting people on their own and without my urging. "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior...." Psalm 127:4
Prayers for my Maddie and Granny would be greatly appreciated friends. xo, Sam