Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Maddie

The stress about Maddie is pretty near my breaking point now. I haven't been able to write much lately because no matter how hard I try to be fun and upbeat my deepest feelings seep out when I write, good or bad. Sometimes the words even surprise me there on the screen. Somehow I can write out thoughts and feelings that I haven't even told myself yet. I'm an ignorer of feelings, a darn good one, but my writing betrays me.

We just spent another day at a doctors office running tests, and telling the whole story again from the beginning on January 16th. For the last two days she has went from a chronic low grade fever to a high fever. Today I almost broke at the office, my eyes were filling up when I looked down at Maddie's sick little face and I decided that if she saw her mama cry it may make her feel worse. My kids don't see mama cry very often, and it hurts them. Besides she has already seen me cry once this week when we got the news that our sweet Granny Dear had passed away (this is my Granny's mama). So I quick batted the tears away and called Ben. He came straight to us and that got me through the rest of the day. I hate this.

It has been a long, hard, emotional week already and I'm praying that it gets better. They asked Molly to sing and play at the funeral, which makes me so happy and sad all at the same time. Granny Dear was ready to go home and so she is happy, but my heart aches for my sweet Granny. Granny is so proud that Molly will be singing and playing at the funeral. It helps my sore heart to see my children be able to minister to hurting people on their own and without my urging. "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior...." Psalm 127:4

Prayers for my Maddie and Granny would be greatly appreciated friends. xo, Sam

13 comments:

Emilee K said...

Sam you don't always have to be up when you blog...you have a lot of people here for you and who understand that life isn't always peaches and cream..we all know some of what you are going through..you and your family are always in my prayers and I hope they find out soon what is going on with the baby..they've done lyme testing and lung xrays I assume..second opinion maybe? With my son and his heart issues I actually ended up going for three different opinions and I thank God I did..he's now a grown man with the same synthetic aorta section that they put in when he was 6 weeks old. So..just know we are all here for you. <3

Anonymous said...

Sam - please take her to the nearest teaching hospital. If I were in VA I'd go to UVA or up to MD at Johns Hopkins, in the midwest to Mayos. I don't know what you have in AL but there has to be something, maybe in Huntsville? Get your doc to refer you, call, beg, plead, throw a hizzy fit if you think it will help. We're all praying for her & you!
from Barbara O

Rachel said...

I was in a quilting shop this past weekend and saw one of your patterns, I didn't know how your daughter was doing but I prayed right then for her.

It is hard when your kids are sick especially when you don't know why. Praying for answers and for your family during your time of loss.

Christy Austin said...

Samantha~
Thanks for sharing with us what is going on for you and your family. Sending love and healing thoughts to all of you!

Karen said...

Praying for all of you and hoping you get answers very soon.

Brandi Thomason said...

Praying specifically for God to put the proper Dr in her path & to give them the wisdom to know exactly what's going on and exactly how to treat her. lifting u & Ben up also sweet friend....

Anonymous said...

praying for wisdom. I hope they have tested for meningitis. the sudden high fever is worrying.
praying for peace.

Karen said...

Praying....
You know you are never alone. Hugs, Karen

Eileen said...

I know more than one mama this week with a sick or hurting chd and an aching mana's heart. Will be praying for all of you this week.

Dee said...

The Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and give you peace. His peace. Not as we know it and want it...but as He knows you need to stay close to Him. Our trust in Him will never be repaid poorly or with evil.

You are loved with an everlasting love!

TC Harris said...

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Hi Sam,
We prayed for Maddie at Mass this week. I pray you have not only an answer soon but a correct and treatable diagnosis. God bless you and give you peace.
Pegi G

Anonymous said...

How difficult:( I am so sorry your baby girl is having such a rough time. I will be praying for all of you and for the doctors. I cannot help but think of Autoimmune diseases...

Suzanne