Monday, March 30, 2009

Due...

Today my sweet baby is due to be born. I'm sad. There is something so final about this day... like the end of a season, or a cycle. The thought of my baby being here now is bittersweet. Today I thought about how I would have an almost 2 year old and a newborn .....but they are not here, and I miss them deeply. My precious children.... I've been trying to keep busy, there are so many new and exciting things going on right now.... but I just can't make myself feel it. I found these pictures of my baby today and I wanted to share them with you. Oh this baby brought so much hope and joy! I remember thinking I would never carry another baby just days before I found out I was pregnant. I am so happy that I was able to carry this sweet angel .....even knowing now how it would end, I would do it all again. I know God has a plan...and I do trust him, but today is hard. Really hard. I'm going to take a few days off. I'll be back soon.

43 comments:

bakeandsew said...

My thoughts are with you. It is difficult, I know.

Ericka said...

Thinking and praying for you, Samantha. Even in your weakness, I stand amazed at your strength. Praying the Lord's strong and loving arms carry you through this sorrow, this 'anniversary' of sorts. I'm so very sorry...

latoniar29690 said...

I am so sorry for your loss here on earth. Rejoice in the fact that you have an angel waiting for you in glory. That sweet angel will be there to welcome you with open arms. My heart is breaking for you and I don't even know you. My prayers are with you. God understands your hurt and only He can comfort you. Take care..

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about your baby Samantha...Happy Birthday Little One. Life can be so hard sometimes & that's when prayers & friendships help, please know that you have both here. Thinking of you today, DianeM

Beach Mama said...

What can I say but that I feel your pain. I have birthed 2 babies and lost 3 babies. Yes, God does have a plan, though it often seems unclear to us. His plan for us led us to China. We now have a 17 yo, 10 yo, 4 yo, and 3 yo. We are blessed. You are surrounded by His love today, the love of your friends, and the love of those that have been where you are.

Myra said...

I feel for you, been there 3x now. Take your time.

Peterson said...

Hi, I am not quiet understand for sure in what happenned with your babies. It is because of my Englisn is not well enough yet. Anyway, I wish you have a great time and everything beautiful in your life. I wanted to have baby but unlucky my husband does not want for some reason, so I have to deal with him.

Heide said...

:( I'm so sorry, mama. I had a miscarriage too, in the fall of '07. I got pregnant again right after that and now have a healthy baby, but even that does not take away from the pain I still feel for the baby we didn't ever get to meet. She was real, she was mine, and she's gone, but she'll always be my baby and it will always be a painful loss. It just sucks, and there's no two ways about it. Thinking of you today.

April said...

Bless you, Friend. Praying for you.

Molly said...

Aaw, hon, I'm praying for you and sending you a big hug.

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts...Sending warm hugs and praying for God's grace to comfort and hold you.

Heather said...

I am sorry Samantha. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. God does have a plan and I look forward to seeing it!

Heather said...

This is Heather (Rogers) Packer, by the way, your long ago red headed sidekick friend.

Mrs. Doodle said...

Thinking of you today. I know it must be hard. Know today that I will kiss my little one a little more because of your post. Virtual hugs to you!

pfarmwife said...

"The Lord is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17 Samantha, may the Lord turn your mourning into dancing...

Warmly,
Stacey

Brenda said...

Praying for you.
"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant." Psalm 119:76

(((Hugs)))

Brenda

jenn said...

I can only imagine how hard it is. It is never easy to fully understand the reason why these things happen. I pray for you and your family, and hope for the day you will be blessed again.
Jenn

6blessings said...

I am praying for you! Can you imagine going through this without God? May you experience God's love and comfort during this difficult time.
In His Care,
Laurie

maribeth said...

i pray that God will give you the desires of your heart!

Reformed Grits said...

I'm so very sorry. God sent us a different baby, in His time, that has helped to heal our broken hearts. I pray the same for you.

vintage rose said...

Dearest Samantha,
My thoughts are with you.
Take care & God bless
Melissa

courtne450 said...

Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Courtney

robbie kitchokoff-jones said...

God Bless You.

ezeldabeth said...

I cry with you. I just passed my baby's should have been due date on march 20th. I felt like I was mourning (all over again) alone. I pray that you would have loved ones to comfort you (so that you don't feel alone)...that the lord would fill you with his peace...and be working a healing in you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Jennifer Paganelli said...

I am truly sorry for your loss.

wondermommy said...

My prayers go out to you.

MD said...

We grow up taking certain things for granted. I thought that I would grow up, get married, have a family...it would all be easy. I never thought there would be any difficulties with pregnancy, but we lost our son Luke when I was 20 weeks. I look at my other children and see the love that I have for them, they are so special...it is hard to not feel discontent when I wonder what my Luke would be doing, what new discoveries he would be making. He would have been five this July, I am still sadden when my thoughts drift to him, but the sorrow is a sweet one now...sometimes(: My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Stacie said...

Samantha You and your family are in my thoughts and prayer. I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain.

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you Sam. God is love.

Na Lua da Alice said...

Consider yourself kissed and hugged. I love read your blog and you made me cry over and over.
A very big kiss to you and your very beautiful family.

Trinity Mommy said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers... thank you for sharing your heart with us all!

B said...

You are so very brave. I feel your pain; I had a miscarriage after my first child was born but before my last two children were born and I still feel the pain 10 years on. I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you...

Madaline Jane said...

Ah Samantha. I'm so sorry. I understand your feelings. It's hard to feel like your body has failed you. I am thinking of you today.

Kelley said...

Samantha, you are in my prayers today. These anniversaries are hard. Time does make it a little easier, but even years from now, when this date rolls around you will always get that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Surround yourself with your Littlies and hang onto Jesus. Love to you!

Samantha said...

I am praying for you!! Three of my children are in Heaven with Jesus. I lost two in 1995 and Pierce's twin in 2003. I know the sorrow, but God is there for you!

Kendra said...

You've been in my prayers. I miscarried over 2 years ago, and my heart still sometimes aches to hold that darling baby. My prayer is for all my children to join me in heaven (I have four little blessings here on earth), and God spoke to me and told me one of them is already there waiting. Won't that make my entry into Heaven that much sweeter?

sammon said...

I am so sorry!! Lots, and lots of hugs and prayers!! You're not alone in your longing for your sweet babes!! Get out of the house and do something a little fun!

KAI-Peru Construction said...

I was just checking in to see how you are doing. I will continue praying for you.

Blessings,
Brenda

Mary said...

sam i am so sorry


oxoxoxox

mary caffee

RosiesTreasures said...

Samantha,
I am sorry that I wasn't here to read this the day you needed love and support. I hope that you know that you are loved and that I think of you often as well as your sister. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on or a friend to listen, I am here. Many hugs dear friend.

Sofia

Dawn said...

You have my sympathy...
I thought of this post when my daughter miscarried at 9 weeks a couple of weeks ago. The baby would have been born on my birthday this coming fall. I know that I will think of that wee little one on that day.
Blessings on you and your family.

Loved the beautiful dresses you made the girls for Easter! So classic.

KS said...

For some time now I have tried to talk myself into telling my story. I think I felt like nobody would understand. Now I see I was wrong. Thanks for sharing your story. I think I will fight my way through the tears and share mine. I am so glad you are surrounded by love and support.

needlekrafter said...

Samantha,
I came across your blog and feel so thankful to have found it. It truly was a God-send and ministered to me. I was so saddened to read of your losses and yet thankful for your sharing. I related so much to what you shared as I had two miscarriages in the past year, both around week eight... and struggled with sorrow, anger, disbelief... I believe that God is sovereign, yet still struggle with understanding the losses and sorrow. I know that the Lord has a plan for us. I take comfort in knowing that our babies are with the Lord and that one day I will meet them, just as you will... Just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you and your family for comfort in your losses. Thank you so much. God bless.