Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'm just trying to be normal.

Yesterday was just a fog, I was still so groggy from all of the medicines they gave me Monday that I couldn't write at all. My sister and my good friend came and cleaned up my house and brought me food. I was so glad to see people from the outside world.

Today I woke with a strong desire to be normal again. Ben is back at work and I feel well enough to be up and keeping the kids by myself again. We got up and decided on chocolate chip pancakes. Brother (that's what we call Tim at home) washed the dishes as I messed them up, Sister (That's Maddie's name) ate more chocolate chips than she handed to me for the pancakes, and Sis (Molly) supervised. It's nice to be Mama again. My kids have had a really rough week and I really just want them to have a normal day. Now they are playing outside catching bugs. I've not really been normal for a while now. I was so sick for the last couple of months that I just skimmed over everything. I'm looking forward to cleaning the bathrooms good and keeping the laundry caught up - My Mom and my friends got me all caught up so all I have to do is keep it that way. So, the dress. It's a baby gift that I started on Saturday morning just as the news was starting to sink in. I desperately needed something to keep my hands busy and this is a project that I've been needing to get done for a while now. It's hard to explain but it was so comforting to be working on a dress for a new healthy baby while I was dealing with the loss of my own. Many of the stitches were made through tear filled eyes but the quiet rhythm was just what I needed. I finished up the last bit of the hand sewing on the inside just before they started my IV on Monday. The dress is made of imported dotted Swiss batiste, I free handed the initial, and on each side is two rows of light blue feather stitching. I love using unexpected colors for tiny pieces of embroidery, the bright vibrant colors against the pale pink fabric are so pretty to me. I started two other baby gifts on Saturday too but I will share them when I'm done. It's crazy how these little ordinary tasks can get you through such tough times. My heart hurts today but I don't want to think about it. I just want to do things that I haven't done for a while and forget about the pain....just for now.


PS. I had some really dumb comments on my blog last week (before my baby troubles) - someone was playing a "joke" I guess - so I had to add comment moderation to my blog. I hate having to do this but it was my only choice. To get to the point I'm new at this comment moderation thing and I have accidentally rejected three of your very sweet comments, I am so very sorry. I don't know if you get an email saying your comment was rejected or not, but if you did it was not intentional at all! I am so so sorry, please forgive me!


Pampered Brat said...

The dress is very beautiful.
Im so glad that you are getting back into the swing of things.
Now that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

The dress is lovely Samantha, you do whatever you need to do right now. Hugs hon.
Just Peachy

Joy said...

Hooray for having some extra hands around...some how it makes the burden just a wee bit lighter. What beautiful embroidery work...I love how the flowers intertwine.

Sorry for the stupid comments that happened...I know that I am struggling with feeling very raw, and the last thing I want to read is somebody not being, well, thoughtful.

Continued prayers that you continue to feel just a wee bit better each day, and that your kids find their rhythm again.

Love, prayers, and hugs to you all.

Tanya said...

That dress is beautiful. I haven't commented but have been reading your blog when you did updates at sewingmamas. Your story brought tears to my eyes, and memories too (we lost a baby at 11 weeks also). Hugs to you, and glad your family is having a good day.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are surrounded by love. You need and deserve it.

The dress is beautiful, as always.

mommatothebear said...

I am so jealous of your talent in heirloom sewing. I hope everyday that your heart gets lighter and lighter. :hugs:

Karen said...

I'm glad you're up and around. Isn't it amazing how your children can give you purpose and meaning and keep you going when you are grieving? Praise the Lord for the small blessings like chocolate chip pancakes.


Marlya said...

Samantha, I love the dress! The embroidery is beautiful!! I am so pleased to hear you have so much support from your family at this time. I'm still thinking of you!!

It is sad that some people will add silly comments to your blog, I think that screening the messages is justified.

All the best!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful! And I've been praying for you this week.

muralimanohar said...

What a beautiful way to fill your heart again.

Anonymous said...

The dress is so LOVELY! And it makes it even more special that you made something so beautiful and detailed during such a difficult time. May the God of all Comfort comfort you in this affliction (2 Cor 1:3-4).

Little Munchkins said...

I just read about your loss and I am so, so sorry. I am in tears now just reading your past posts and I can feel your pain.

Take care of yourself Samantha. I will be sure to check back more often.

Melissa said...

What a gorgeous dress - the hand embroidery is stunning!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss, but you are right, God is good! I love the embroidery you did on the dress! How do you do the M in such thick almost twisted stitches? I would love to know how!
God Bless

April said...

That's so pretty!!! I love heirloom sewing - such stunning work. Bless you for posting through your grief.

Rachel said...

I realize some time has passed since your miscarriage, but I am still sorry for your loss. I happened by your blog looking for things to sew for my daughter, but when I saw the number of miscarriage posts, I knew I wanted to keep reading.

I pray you are doing better these days.