Two things, my Etsy shop is now open for the summer with lots of bohemian goodness, and that gorgeous girl pictured above is my little Molly. The little girl who was FIVE years old when I started this blog. Sigh...
In the shop I have henna kits, Bohemian Gypsy Bags, essential oil perfume, patterns, and leather feathers! Scoot on over and check it out! And look for more updates soon!! xo, Sam
Y'all, I love the look of converse, but rarely put them on my little ones because of the laces, and them coming untied, or getting knotted, or mercy, even getting pulled out and then lost! With 4 children 4 and under and 5 older ones to get out the door we always reach for the slip ons. This morning I had a pair with no laces and was temped to just sew them to the middle flap to make them slip ons because the kids were headed camping with my mom and they needed shoes on that I could wash. That is when the heavens opened and it dawned on me that if we had elastic shoe laces that we wouldn't have to tie them. Ahhhhhh!
After quick dig through my elastic bin I found this 1/2" green elastic (it's not FOE just normal elastic), I laced them, tried them on, tightened them up, tied the ends in knots and done! Slip on shoes!!! How did I not think of this before?! I went ahead and did two more pair. I love me a good mom hack! xo, Sam
Do y'all remember this?! Ha! I was pregnant with Penny! Well that purse has been my favorite purse of all time, but sadly after 5 years of faithful service it was falling apart! For months I have looked for a replacement but NOTHING has panned out and the ones that I did actually like were hundreds of dollars. I have 9 hungry kids, I can't drop hundreds on a purse. The other night I was sitting there dreaming of a colorful bohemian/gypsy purse that would work for a hippie mama like me when I spotted a rug in my living room! Woot! Woot! That's it!
So before my dentist appointment the next day I bribed my children (with homemade cake) to let me sew while they watched the babies.
I added a favorite scarf gifted from my sweet friend Heidi, and done!! So fast and after months of waiting!
I read a blog post not long ago that said "the bigger the bag, the smaller the waist", hahaha! Well I took it to heart! I need all the help I can get! The moral of the story is this: If you've been looking for the perfect gypsy bag, maybe you just need to look around on the floor in your house?! Or your mama's house...I once begged a tablecloth off of my mom and made a skirt from it. :) xo, Sam
I got a couple of chances to talk to my Granny this week, she and I get along better than anyone and she "gets" me. Her and I share a lot of the same personality traits and she has also been mama to damaged children like me (she became my daddy's mama when he was 13 and he credits her for turning his world around). I found myself telling her something that I was afraid would sound shocking, but of course she understood. I said "I'm not a Christian anymore, I'm something else." as she nodded in understanding.
Nobody knows this but I struggled with my salvation well into my twenties. I was a church kid that had done most things right. I had never done any drugs, drank, or had any run-ins with the law, but I often wondered if I was saved. I read my Bible and set aside "quiet times", and I would often see if I could lengthen my "prayer time" by a few minutes, went through periods where I only alloplljkpwed christian music in my car or home. I was very disciplined in things like that. I was compassionate and loving too but my compassion and love had borders that had code names like "tough love." I guess what I'm trying to say is that I followed all the rules, but friends, I was a Pharisee. My God ruled with an iron fist, He loved and prospered the people who followed His "ways" (that was a fancy word for rules). If someone was gay I said things like "well I love them but I hate their sin". If a girl got pregnant out of wedlock the proper course of action was to first, talk her out of an abortion and then, to drop her like she's hot before baby shower time lest the other girls in church feel that we were encouraging her evil ways. Believe me, something didn't feel right about these things, but I didn't know what else was to be done, that's what Pharisees did. Along comes the age of Facebook where the extent of your "taking a stand for Christ" can be hitting "like" or "Share" or eating at your favorite fast food joint on a specific day.
Now I'll admit that there were times where I thought I could be wrong, but I felt so elevated and if I started to question things it would be so embarrassing, because I'd have to admit to so much wrong. If I admit that the way I had loved others for years was wrong then my perfect track record would be gone! If I admitted that I still questioned my faith at this point then all my credibility was out the window. Then what would I be?! Broken. That's what I would be. A pile of rubble. Broken is what I am now.
Funny thing is, I'm almost positive that I found MY God in a crack house about two years ago. I was hunting someone, she was dear to me, I couldn't give up on this girl no matter how much she had done. I just couldn't. We searched and searched house after house until we found her and we wouldn't let her go back. She took our love and threw it back in our faces over and over but I couldn't stop loving her. I just couldn't. It was like she was my child, my flesh and blood, and I couldn't stop. Friends and family told me that I was being "walked on", they told me that I was becoming an "enabler", they told me that "tough love" was what she needed.
Tough love, that has a new definition to me. Lately, tough love means loving without end. Like He loves me. Love now means loving someone the way that God loved my stupid self all those years that I walked around with my head too big to walk through doorways. All those times that I turned the broken away and slapped the label "tough love" on it, I was throwing it all back in His face. I thought that I was earning celebrity status in His kingdom with all my long prayer times, expensive devotional books, and Facebook shares. What an idiot. What a silly broken mess of a girl I really am. You can't do enough in this LIFETIME to earn Him!
So what did I do?! What happened to change me into someone who knows that they will go to heaven?! I took off my "Royal Cloak" and admitted to being broken beyond repair. When I was finally broken I looked around and was suddenly not above ANYONE. We were all on a level playing field. The gay people and Samantha Caffee are the same amount of broken. The crack heads and Sam Caffee are the same amount of broken. The mothers that have lost their children to the system by making horrible choices and Sam Caffee are the same amount of broken. When I saw how He could love such a broken mess like me, that He was capable of such AMAZING love and Grace, my ability to love grew 1000%.
Who does get celebrity status in His kingdom then, if it's not reserved for saints like I once was?! It's simple. He tells us in Matthew 19:30 "But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then." And Who does He say is the last on earth? "The least of these." (Matthew 25:31-46) These children that I foster are royalty in His kingdom.
These days I'm in constant motion. I may wake up after three hours of sleep to a little one needing me immediately, my "quiet time" may be a few minutes in the bathroom (if I'm lucky), my prayer time is an almost constant flow of quiet petitions for grace, healing, discernment, rest, or gratefulness. My God now is a lover of souls, He is patient with me and others, He is kind when I don't deserve it, He is gentle with me when my words are too sharp, He is where the broken are, He always has hope when I feel like something is hopeless, He is my protector, and He is not easily angered by me. He doesn't care what I look like, how I smell, or what I'm dressed in, and friends, He is MINE!
I guess you could say that I found My God when I was face to face with a broken soul, just like mine, in that crack house. That's where I continue to learn more about Him, is in all the things/people that the world calls "too far gone". The more I get to know Him the more He breaks my heart for the things that break His, and friends now I can honestly say that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light, and one day soon I will be with Him! I KNOW THAT. And it feels good.
As always I pray that something in my words can encourage you today. I pray that you can see a glimpse of my sweet Jesus and Invite Him to be yours. I pray that if you are a Pharisee like I was that you can find the better/broken version of yourself and know God in a way you never though possible. xoxo, Sam
PS. So what am I if I'm not a "Christian"? I am a child of the ONE TRUE KING!!!! That's what I am!!
EDITED TO ADD: To clarify, I am most definitely still a Christian, but because of the associations that myself and others have with that title, I've decided to call myself something different. I'm a child of the One True King!!!
Something to think about...Let's pretend for just a minute that churches are like hospitals for "sinners". So let's say we have this super cool new hospital, with a great aesthetic, state of the art technology, all of these great programs in place, a great staff, but they spread the word in hushed tones around the community that they really only want people to come in if you are just a little sick. You know, the run of the mill stuff like a headache, cold, hay fever. Now let's pretend that our city happens to have several of these hospitals! How convenient right? It's great! You get a cold or something dignified like that and you stop in, no lines, no waiting, and they fix you right up! You go home supercharged! But then one day you are being an idiot and texting while driving (totally undignified) and you hit a tree head on. You are dying, barely breathing, you can feel your life slipping from you, but no hospitals will take you. They don't take hard cases like yours. They would have to get extra staff, get better educated on trauma, it would be messy, and hard, and people may feel bad about having to see someone that way.....they think you are just too broken. I don't want to be that church, I don't even want to be that kind of home. I want a sign on MY door that says "The Broken are Welcome Here". How about you?
In life when I stumble across something negative or ugly that was said about me or my family behind my back, I normally immediately text, call or message the person and offer encouragement or help with whatever they are busy with. I pray that my children learn to do the same. So much that is wrong with this world is because people are so eagerly offended! What someone says about me can't change my heart, the way Ben or my children see me, or my relationship with God, really it says more about them and their heart than it does mine, so my best bet is to show love and kindness. Over the years the task has become increasingly easier! Today I came across something and felt excited! I'll get to encourage them today! If you purpose in your heart to truly show the love of Christ the trajectory of your life changes, it seems small at first but years down the road you will find that something that should feel offensive will actually make you feel excited for a chance to minister to someone and nurture a meaningful relationship. What a blessing?! What a beautiful blessing to be called to love as Christ does!! Nothing shows satan who is boss quite like turning something that was meant for evil into something good! I pray that this encourages someone!
In the course of our morning routine which normally includes changing diapers, feeding the masses, getting the littles settled in the nursery, and the bigs started on school, we were blessed with a few variations. Don't be fooled by that statement, most mornings we are blessed with plenty of variations, however this morning told the tale of our patched together family perfectly. All three of the babies woke up with dirty diapers that also messed up their pajamas. I just add that to the growing pile of poop laundry in the laundry room. After that I had conversation with my almost 4 year old about which kids came out of my belly and which ones didn't, and can they all STILL be her brothers and sisters please because she really loves them all. "Yes love, they will always be your brothers and sisters even until you are as old as mama!" Finally everyone was settled but then a big kid came downstairs to say that there was a fight going down in the schoolroom. While getting to the bottom of this argument I find underlying feelings of "I just need to be good and play the part so that they will love me" in one of my boys. Every time I see this it hurts like a knife to the heart. We talked, he opened up and seemed better and I sent him back to school. Cries came from the nursery, I go in to find that Lyric has smashed her finger in the toy box and it's bleeding, I fix her up but she just wants to be held and cried again while I ran to comfort Lottie who had just face planted while pulling up on the toy kitchen. Both of these babies are still crying when the phone rings and I answer "Hello?" I can't hear what they are saying. I run to the other side of the house as I say "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you".... I hear "Yes mam, I'm the new social worker that has just been assigned to your case..." Seriously?! Another social worker?! These boys have had NO LESS THAN 8 different workers since they came into care! I answer kindly "Yes, hello!" And then he says what I KNEW he was about to say "Can I come out today?" To which I answer "Sure! But I'm not going to put on a show for you! Haha! If you are going to drop in you will see a lived in house!" He seemed to like my honesty and said he will be out soon. I run back to the other side of the house and scoop up the still crying babies, one in each arm, and hold and kiss them. Another big kid needs help with a math problem, we work through it. I sit down and take a drink of my now cold coffee, but I don't care, I learned to like cold coffee at least three kids ago. I start thinking again about how I can encourage my boy to be him and not who he thinks we want him to be, my heart feels sick in moments like this. Why can't he just be free to be a little boy?! My eyes begin to fill up as I send up a petition to my father, and I hear another kid coming down the stairs.....I quick get my game face on and turn to find another broken little boy, this one eleven years old, one that did not come from my belly, holding a note that says "I love you mom". Okay Lord, I'll press forward! YOUR Grace is sufficient! This life that I have been chosen for will never be easy, but those moments when you have earned the love and trust of His "least of these" will always make it worth it!
My kids have been waiting for two weeks for their belongings to be shipped from their last foster home. They came with clothes and school supplies, that's all. Today was the day! A huge Fed Ex truck pulled up and a big, tough looking guy came to the door "ma'am I need you to sign, I've got five big boxes for you." As I signed his tablet I yelled "Guys y'all come help! The boxes are here!" Nine kids (some being carried) came swarming out of the house and met him at the door of the truck as he walked back. I could see the look in his eye, I was bracing for a few possible questions (questions NEVER offend me by the way, but I do send up a petition for God to give me gentle answers so that we can be a witness) he looked back and forth at them all confused...about that time he handed out the first box and the kids enthusiastically passed it to the porch assembly line style. He seemed surprised and gave me a confused/questioning glance. I answered his look with a smile and "Their things finally came from their other foster home!" As he passed the next box his face was bright, smiling, and I caught him brushing away a tear. That's the stuff. He saw them before he saw their label, he simply saw happy, excited, playful children, not what the world says you will see. Those precious ones ministered to him today, as they do me everyday. This is the STUFF!!! What life is really about! I am one blessed mama! And Praise God my cup is overflowing!!!!
After a 17 month long paper trail Lyric's brothers are finally with us as foster children!!!! We picked them up from the airport on Wednesday and we are so happy to have them here! They are AMAZING kids! Please pray for us through this transition. xoxo, Sam
I think everyone that knows me would agree that I'm a really good mom. I am. I'm not being cocky or self absorbed, but that's what I was born to do and I have worked very hard everyday for almost 13 years to be good at my job as mama. Now let me tell you a story, about Mother's Day when my third child was about 18 months old. The week before I had been bragging about how I could "NEVER!" leave one of my precious children in a hot car!!! What kind of mother would do that?! I mean what could be more important?! Some selfish idiot obviously. I mean I was an expert mom at this point ya know, THREE whole kids, a natural birthing, breastfeeding pro, my dear children had never been "harmed" by a SINGLE vaccination, I was a natural/attached parenting guru before it was even cool! I knew it ALL! Co-sleeping, extended breast feeding, growing our own food, we built our own home, had acres and acres of land, planned to homeschool, and after all I was 25 for heavens sakes! I had been a mom for FOUR whole years!! So this Mother's Day I pridefully walked out of church knowing I deserved everything that this amazing day had to offer! The kids started whining to ride to my moms house (only a block away) with my mom and dad and I said sure. I was talking to a friend outside the car when I saw my dad (out of the corner of my eye) walk up, open the door and walk away. In the back of my mind I assumed he had grabbed a booster seat. My friend and I finished talking and I got in, she wished me a happy Mother's Day (which I obviously deserved) and being the perfect mom that I was THEN I drove away glancing into the back of the van. No children. I got to mom's, hopped out, and went in ready to eat! The kids were already in the spare room changing, I could hear them giggling, and they came out in their play clothes and my mom said nervously "Where is Maddie?!" I said "She was with you." My dad's face dropped "No I put her in your car because we didn't have her a seat!" My heart dropped as I ran. How long have I been inside? Why didn't I see her? What was I thinking?! I got to the car and opened the door to a sleepy toddler with sweat beads all over her precious little face. I grabbed her hot little body up and squeezed her to me! Then it hit me, I'm. that. mom. On Mother's Day, I'm that mom. I don't even deserve a Mother's Day! I deserve to die! In a hot car! What kind of monster am I?!?! You see, it was a misunderstanding, my dad didn't know that Maddie's car seat was the middle seat, not the one behind my seat that he had put her in. He didn't know, I didn't know she was there and didn't see her, he thought I saw him, I didn't. I was so afraid, disappointed, upset, angry, sorry, oh so sorry for my baby. What if?! What if?! The fear!! I learned a very valuable lesson that day....I'M HUMAN. An imperfect human. I need grace. I learned another important lesson that day too.... I'm still a good mom. Actually, I'm a better mom, friend, and wife, because now I try to extend the same grace that was extended to me that day by my loving savior! Now I have seven children, four of those precious little souls can't unbuckle themselves. We have a buddy system, we double check, triple check, and then look again when we get out of the car. I do everything I can to be always mindful of where my children are and what they are doing, but I'm human. I still make mistakes. Boy do I make mistakes! And oh the misunderstandings that can come along when there are so many little people needing your attention. My kids get hurt, climb on furniture the minute my back is turned, get choked no matter how small I cut things, fall with me right next to them, even while holding my hand! Now, even more than then, I NEED GRACE!!! I'm a good mom, that needs grace, and guess what....You do too, and so does the mom you just read about in that Facebook article, or the one you saw in the grocery store, or the one at the park. She needs it desperately, she loves her kids just as much as you do, and she's probably a really good mom that needs a bit of grace. Please be kind to her. xo, Sam
My heart has been called to start a new little ministry to help cancer patients feel beautiful. My plan was carried out for the very first time this week and it filled my heart to the brim!! The idea is to let them put on their favorite outfit, help them with their make-up, give them a henna crown, and then do a photoshoot! I was so nervous for my first experience. I prayed, had friends praying, and felt all inadequate, I mean what if I say the wrong thing? What if it bothers them? What if I mess up? What if they hate it? When I saw my new friend Margaret for the first time, all of those fears melted away. And God linked our hearts immediately, and the woman I came to minister to, ministered to me. Isn't that the way He works? Her bravery, faith, and inner beauty were astounding! The next day she got the news she has been waiting on...."remission" from breast cancer! I've already got a few more friends waiting on crowns and I can't wait to see how God can use this ministry!! xo, Sam
PS. Any ideas what I can call this ministry? I'm coming up blank! We need a name.
(Taken by the lovely Melissa Lyon West)
While I was away with baby Lottie on my trip a couple of weeks ago (4 nights!) Ben and the kids sent me this video! Bwahahahaha! Enjoy!! xo, Sam
PS. I can't upload the video to the blog because it was made with a video ap, but you can See the video HERE!
We are safe! Tornadoes ripped through our town last night. Birmingham, AL is now 3rd in the nation for deadly tornadoes. So, we prepare! The best we can anyhow. Last night I was more scared than I ever remember being in my life. Ben as an emergency worker, was at the fire station. I was with my seven babies, soaking wet, in my neighbors basement. Fear gripped me as the "freight train" passed over us. I started telling my kids to pray and that I loved them, I was losing it! Then Maddie lost it and I had to get a handle on myself! I looked at Molly and she said as calm as anything "God's got this." I looked at the others and said "Just pray!" All of you! Pray out loud! And they did! God protected us, it touched down not far from us but didn't stay on the ground, it just skipped through. Praise God!!!!
Now we are bracing for round two. It's supposed to get bad again in a few hours. I'm praying for protection and PEACE!! My children are still shook up from last night. It's almost time to hunker down, but I will check back in soon! Thanks for the emails and prayers sweet friends! It means a lot to us! xo, Sam
PS. Because I got quite a few questions on our shop Facebook page....I write in permanent marker on each child's arm their name and Ben's cell number (my logic for the arm is that if something happens emergency workers will start an IV, the arm is a good place), then on their thigh or back I write their name, number, age, "Mom: Samantha", and then any health issues (asthma). During times like this families get separated, in different hospitals or shelters...just having a name is like gold in those situations.
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